[Ryan's words are timed by the sinking of Mattias' shoulders. Ryan bumbles on, too lost in his anxiety to notice the weight of his truths. It was one thing for Mattias to suspect it—between Oren's fond smiles and doting touches, it was hard to ignore. Yet hearing it spoken only solidified it into something true and real. Something that proved itself in the way Oren rushed to his aid, shouting all the things he thinks he would have said if his tongue could move, if his mouth would obey him. Instead he looks on, crestfallen and claustrophobic in a room with one chair more.
For a moment, while Oren shouts in slowed time, Mattias thinks of what he did wrong. There were so many threads, so many moments of silence he should have disrupted and so many words he should have smothered with silence. It was a mistake to be truthful with Ryan. His relationship with Oren had been extraneous. Or maybe he should have simply told him more. Would the reason for their separation convince him?
And what had he done that Ryan needed convincing at all?
Throat thick, he meets Ryan's eyes. Oren has stopped shouting and Mattias' soft voice cuts through the last words left hanging in the air.]
He stabbed me. Back home. That's why it's done. That's why... [His throat becomes too thick. His fingers wander for something to hold onto and, despite his best efforts otherwise, his gaze lands on Oren.]
I'm... I'm sorry. [For what? The question suffocates him. The air feels tight. His skin pricks. The room is constricting and his lungs don't have the space to breathe. He doesn't want to feel their eyes on him. He doesn't want to be in the center of this, doesn't want to hurt either one or be hurt by them.
He's out the door before he even realizes, rushing through the church in fear of what he's left behind.]
no subject
For a moment, while Oren shouts in slowed time, Mattias thinks of what he did wrong. There were so many threads, so many moments of silence he should have disrupted and so many words he should have smothered with silence. It was a mistake to be truthful with Ryan. His relationship with Oren had been extraneous. Or maybe he should have simply told him more. Would the reason for their separation convince him?
And what had he done that Ryan needed convincing at all?
Throat thick, he meets Ryan's eyes. Oren has stopped shouting and Mattias' soft voice cuts through the last words left hanging in the air.]
He stabbed me. Back home. That's why it's done. That's why... [His throat becomes too thick. His fingers wander for something to hold onto and, despite his best efforts otherwise, his gaze lands on Oren.]
I'm... I'm sorry. [For what? The question suffocates him. The air feels tight. His skin pricks. The room is constricting and his lungs don't have the space to breathe. He doesn't want to feel their eyes on him. He doesn't want to be in the center of this, doesn't want to hurt either one or be hurt by them.
He's out the door before he even realizes, rushing through the church in fear of what he's left behind.]