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[twocomplex]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, COIN PRINCE. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 097.26.245.13 *** Coin Prince has joined 097.26.245.13 <Coin Prince> And how secure is this communication, really? <Coin Prince> Well, go on then, let's speak.

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[noctiphile]

[Ryan's words are timed by the sinking of Mattias' shoulders. Ryan bumbles on, too lost in his anxiety to notice the weight of his truths. It was one thing for Mattias to suspect it—between Oren's fond smiles and doting touches, it was hard to ignore. Yet hearing it spoken only solidified it into something true and real. Something that proved itself in the way Oren rushed to his aid, shouting all the things he thinks he would have said if his tongue could move, if his mouth would obey him. Instead he looks on, crestfallen and claustrophobic in a room with one chair more.

For a moment, while Oren shouts in slowed time, Mattias thinks of what he did wrong. There were so many threads, so many moments of silence he should have disrupted and so many words he should have smothered with silence. It was a mistake to be truthful with Ryan. His relationship with Oren had been extraneous. Or maybe he should have simply told him more. Would the reason for their separation convince him?

And what had he done that Ryan needed convincing at all?

Throat thick, he meets Ryan's eyes. Oren has stopped shouting and Mattias' soft voice cuts through the last words left hanging in the air.]

He stabbed me. Back home. That's why it's done. That's why... [His throat becomes too thick. His fingers wander for something to hold onto and, despite his best efforts otherwise, his gaze lands on Oren.]

I'm... I'm sorry. [For what? The question suffocates him. The air feels tight. His skin pricks. The room is constricting and his lungs don't have the space to breathe. He doesn't want to feel their eyes on him. He doesn't want to be in the center of this, doesn't want to hurt either one or be hurt by them.

He's out the door before he even realizes, rushing through the church in fear of what he's left behind.]

how do these always turn into text walls ugh

[averagemedium]

[Those accusations are a slap in the face, leaving him wide-eyed and frozen; his expression shifts gradually, mouth set into a thinner line as more focus returns to him, and he distantly realizes his hands are shaking. Everything is.]

What...

[His voice dies in his throat when Mattias's eyes meet his, heart sinking, and that admission may as well be a stab itself. He thinks the same way Oren does, then, if Mattias didn't have enough trust to tell him something that important. And if he doesn't trust Ryan he must think Ryan doesn't either, right?

One moment he's about to object, then the next he's staring at Mattias's back, watching him leave. Mattias won't even let him try to explain--

He's shaking as he turns to Oren, ear fins flared out completely, and he can't tell if it's from panic, fear, or anger.]

That's not what- why would you--

[It's choked off with a shake of his head as he turns to run after Mattias, stumbling over his own webbed feet at first. That can come later. Right now, he has to fix this, and he sounds almost frantic as he shouts after Mattias.]

Wait! Mattias, wait, he's wrong, please-

emotions also crap tag

[noctiphile]

[The shout echoes behind him and are followed by the wet slap of Ryan's feet. The logical part of him knows Ryan can't outrun him and he can already imagine Ryan hunched over and panting. But it doesn't matter. No logic is listened to, no rationality heeded as Mattias plows through the church. His hips smack pews, his arms bump columns and a wealth of bruises blossom unrecognized on his skin. It doesn't matter. None of it matters so long as those footsteps grow distant and his two men drift away.

They'll ask him to make a choice, me or him, and he would have to choose. Oren would feel abandoned. He would change, become a shell of his former self–the man Mattias had fallen in love with all those months ago. Ryan would feel betrayed, maybe proven right. He had estimated unfaithfulness and what would selecting Oren do other than prove him right?

It's not something he wants to face. It's not something he ever wants to face and yet each wet footstep upon the stone brought it closer. Escape was mandatory. To where, he didn't know. The answer would come so long as it came far away from this and its everything.

The door opens as he slams his shoulder into it and Mattias stumbles into the late morning sun. The air floods his lungs and he can breathe again. His feet start to move; he begins his run anew. The air rushes by as his body shifts and cracks, remolding into the shape of a stallion. Four legs move faster than one and he uses them to run as far as he can.]

no this is, I'm not retyping the whole thing

[averagemedium]

[He knows chasing Mattias is pointless-- but that doesn't stop Ryan from being gone for at least a few hours, returning home damp and exhausted. The water helped, but he's slowly drying, and after the exertion...

No, on second thought, he realizes he's worked up a bit of an appetite. He's still hydrated enough, but even so, curling up in the bathtub generally still helps him feel better.

It's much easier to avoid all of this if he just curls up under the surface, just to rest a little longer, and it doesn't take him long to give in to temptation and spend some quality sulking time in the bathroom.]

I'm so sorry for your loss teej rip that tag

[twocomplex]

[The two had left him and he'd done nothing about it aside from move a chair and his place on the off chance that they'd return. Perhaps it could fix things, he'd thought, and left for the night. It hadn't fixed anything, of course.

When morning comes with no sign of Mattias, Oren doesn't wait for bad news to come. He dresses himself and heads out just in time for the end of Ryan's bath, knocking urgently on the door until it's cracked open. He shoves right in past him, eyes scanning the room.]

Where is he? Have you not found him yet?

[Perhaps his tone is a little too accusatory for his normal levels of composure, but he's still a little irritated that Ryan couldn't take his word on the handling of things. He walks around the church, looking around for clues of Mattias' presence.

Nothing.]

He's likely lost out there.

[averagemedium]

[When Oren shoves past him, Ryan hopes-- just for a moment-- that it's not what he thinks it is. That maybe Mattias had at least gone to him. He expects the answer that he gets, knows anything else was unlikely... but it still makes his fins droop for a moment.

-until Oren's words hit him, and they flare out as Ryan walks after him.]

You think I didn't try? I wasn't just sitting around all fucking day, I don't know what kind of person you think I--

[How is he to trust a man who can't trust him in return? That echoes right back through his mind, and Ryan cuts himself off.]

No. I do. And he's not here, so if you don't think I can be trusted to look for him either, you can keep going.

[twocomplex]

[His steps slow as Ryan begins an onslaught of pointed words. Oren laughs, bitter and quiet as he looks to the floor. Mattias hasn't been here. He'd known that the moment he woke up to silence. He'd promised he wouldn't leave him again, so there was that, but... Where had he gone?

As he fidgets with the end of his coat, he speaks.]

It takes so little for you to view yourself the victim. Were you not the one who left me without a word?

[Intention or not, it didn't matter. But before Ryan can respond to that, Oren raises his hand and waves it off.] It matters not. You must realize that the words I spoke were Mattias' thoughts from the moment you pressed forward with this.

My hesitation wasn't purely selfish.

[For once he wasn't being purely selfish. He drops the corner of his coat and turns, looking to Ryan.]

Tell me, do you still remember the way he ran?

[averagemedium]

[It's well-aimed, and while Oren doesn't leave him room for a response, his fins still twitch, face falling slightly as his eyes flick off to the side. It takes him a few moments to respond when Oren's finished speaking, and he's still not quite looking at him.]

You could've let me explain.

[Quieter than he means it to be. Ryan huffs out a breath and raises his voice, gesturing in the right direction.]

There. [It seems as if he's done, for a moment, but he abruptly speaks up again.] You were wrong, you know. I didn't mean anything like that. If you hadn't just started accusing me of shit--

[noctiphile]

[Ryan's laptop chirps (or whatever they do) with a new message. It's from Mattias.]

>are you there?

>i don't know where i am or
>or how to get back

[twocomplex]

[The chime interrupts on cue, and Oren's left watching his own fingers curl into his palm. He's thinking, worrying about Mattias, wondering how far he'd ran in that direction. Until he decided he was far enough away, most likely. A straight line, he bets, until he could see nothing anymore.]

Intention and explanation means little to a man set on his own irrationality.

[He rolls one of his shoulders in a shrug, gesturing weakly at the chiming laptop as he takes a step back.]

Is it him?

[averagemedium]

[Ryan rushes to the laptop as soon as he hears that notification, everything else forgotten and pushed aside as he opens up that message... stares at it for a moment-

-and breaks into helpless laughter, dropping his head down onto his folded arms as he shakes with it. It isn't funny, but he can't stop it; he's been wound tight ever since that conversation began yesterday, and it releases some of that tension with every gasping breath.]

F-fuck. Fuck, I'm- I'm not- it isn't...

[Ryan rubs at his face with his sleeve, wiping his watery eyes as he looks up at Oren. He's still trying to get it to stop, and he shoves the laptop in Oren's direction. Reply for him, he means-- he's too shaky to type.]

Yeah. Yeah, it's... he's lost. Doesn't know where he is either. This is just-- such a fucking mess, Oren.

[And it's his own fault.]

[twocomplex]

[At least Ryan can manage some laughter. Oren isn't aggressive or rude when he moves to take the laptop, but he is decisively quiet as he thinks on how to answer. As himself? For the both of them? As Ryan?

His fingers tap on the keys without pressing down as he lets out a short laugh.]

Did you expect him to know where he ran off to? Of course he's lost.

>I'm here.
>Stay there, and I'll come find you. You headed straight the whole way, didn't you?

It's... strange to admit, but I may have an idea of how to find him.

[noctiphile]

>i don't know
>i think so? there's just trees around here
>i'll stay

[averagemedium]

...strange how?

[He raises a brow at Oren, but doesn't wait for a reply before he reaches for his laptop. Now that he's breathing a little easier, he can answer his own messages, it's fine-- though he does squint at the one Oren's sent for a moment. Just "I", not "we"?

...well, he'll stick with it.]

It'll be okay. Just wait, alright? I'll be there soon as I can.

[noctiphile]

>ok
>bring a coat? it's
>it's colder than i thought

[twocomplex]

[Oren lets his hands fall limp as the laptop is pulled from him, staring at the back of the screen and wringing his hands.]

My senses have all improved since my arrival here, but I find that taking on that animal form of mine has the best results.

[His stare lasts a few seconds longer, enough for Ryan to send whatever reply he wants to Mattias before he turns around.] Shall we, then?

[averagemedium]

[He can't help but crack a smile at Oren's answer, though there's still a tinge of melancholy to it. It's an adorable form and Ryan happens to be fond of it, but-- it also brings to mind that last conversation.]

Just as long as I don't have to carry you, alright?

[He worries at his lip as he reads Mattias's response, typing out one more before he closes the laptop.] Try to stay warm, Mattias. [Then he's on his feet again, tucking the device under his arm as he heads to grab his things-- Ryan pulls on one coat, packs another, and starts quickly folding up a blanket.]

He says it's cold. Figure we ought to bring a couple extra things.

[But he doesn't take long, gesturing to the door when he's finished.] After you.

[twocomplex]

Please.

[He scoffs at the comment on needing to carry him, allowing Ryan to gather what's needed so they can head out. After all, he can't have his hands full when they're out the door. The streets are clear, and Oren takes the time to transform.

Some have no issue with this part, but to Oren, it's still not completely painless. The way he hunches over and shifts brings to mind the ways his bones would crack and mend with Enkythos. The act is nothing near as beautiful as the others in Ryslig he's seen change. The way his skin stretches is slow, cracking, and it takes a few moments for the form to be completed properly. Once his legs are all properly in place, he trots a few steps forward to get used to the sensation.

There's no commentary to Ryan on this. There's only a short nod in the direction Mattias had headed and a determined start forward.

The journey is long and aggravating for Oren, who's all too tempted to snap at Ryan at every chance he gets. Miraculously, he remains composed for the most part, only offering a few tense passive aggressive comments or glances as they move along. He refuses to stop, no matter what rest is needed, trotting forward with his little legs until finally, he can spot something in the distance.

It's too far to make out the detail, but he can recognize the blended colors of Mattias' form and his large wings. He's beneath a tree of some sort.]

There. [Oren speaks, his steps slowing only slightly to allow Ryan to pass. If Ryan doesn't catch the hint, Oren nudges him in the backside with his antlers.] Go to him in a hurry! I'm... not certain if my presence should be known yet.

But I'll follow. Hurry, then, he must be freezing!

[averagemedium]

[Oren isn't the only one who ends up aggravated. Ryan's more frustrated with himself, though, with the occasional need to stop to catch his breath-- he takes as little rest as he can, but he just doesn't have the stamina to do this without stopping. He catches up with a breathy apology each time, but despite his tiredness Oren doesn't have to tell him twice to hurry when they finally find Mattias.]

-if you're sure. [And quieter, as he leans down to give Oren's head a quick pat:] Thank you. For helping, I mean.

[With that, he pushes himself forward, running toward the tree with all the energy he has left; Ryan's steps slow a little as he approaches, just to be sure he doesn't startle him, and he quickly fumbles out the coat and blanket as he drops to his knees at Mattias's side. The blanket is draped over his horse half, and the jacket... well, okay, Ryan forgot about the wings. He turns it backward, holding it out for Mattias to put his arms through the sleeves so he can try to button it in the back. The whole time, a stream of words pours out, hardly letting a word in edgewise.]

I'm sorry, Mattias, I'm so sorry, I didn't think that-- are you-- no, that's a stupid question, nevermind, just... here, let's get you warmed up, alright? Put this on--

[noctiphile]

[Mattias is shivering as Ryan runs towards him. Early morning had brought a downpour that hadn't stopped and only recently had he found shelter. Even underneath the evergreen tree, rain still dropped through, causing him to flinch and his ears to twitch. The blanket is a welcome grace but he can't find the words to thank Ryan for it. Silently, he puts his arms through the jacket.

As Ryan babbles apologies, exhaustion sets in. He wilts against the trunk, hugging himself and looking past Ryan as he speaks. For some reason, he wishes for him to stop. Somehow, his stream of words is more chilling than the rain.

It's a small miracle when he spots the small deer trotting in Ryan's wake. Without waiting for Ryan to pause he speaks, voice soft and words slow.]

You brought a friend?

[twocomplex]

[To see Mattias like this again was incredibly worrying. Oren knew now how fast things could get worse. How horrible it was to see his now-friend reduced to someone who wouldn't get out of bed in the morning. He looked too close to it now, huddled to himself beneath the tree and flinching at first contact.

At first, Oren had thought he might leave. That maybe he and Ryan could use some time alone, that somehow things could be repaired if he just stepped out of the way. But seeing him like this, he wasn't so sure Ryan alone could fix anything.

So, instead of running away, he lifts his chin. His ears flick a bit and his trot becomes a little faster, slowing only once he's in more proper earshot of Mattias and Ryan. He lingers back for now, head lowering. He'll... be careful with it. Reveal himself when it seems Mattias can handle it, perhaps.]

[averagemedium]

[He's just pausing for breath when Mattias interrupts, and it keeps him from continuing on-- the lack of response from Mattias has him fearing the worst and worrying over him more all at once, and he can't say the diversion is completely unwelcome.]

...I did, yeah.

[Ryan glances behind him and gestures to Oren, beckoning; maybe it'll help, he hopes. You can't really go wrong with small adorable animals, can you?]

Come on, you don't have to hang back like that-

[noctiphile]

He's so small.

[And a welcome distraction. There's a canyon between he and Ryan that he doesn't want to discuss. He beckons to the deer in the only way he knows how, lowering his hand to its level.]

To think, I don't usually care for animals. Where did you find him?

[As he waits for the answer, he clicks his tongue and rubs his fingers together. Maybe it'd catch the deer's attention.]

Come now, come here. I won't harm you. We're practically relatives, aren't we?

[twocomplex]

[Cautiously, he looks to Ryan as he takes his next few steps forward. He should have known that turning into a deer was odd enough to throw Mattias off, even if he turned into an animal himself. What kind of deer would he expect Oren to look like? Nothing so small, he hopes.

There's no good to come of interrupting this with reality. Instead, he gives in to the role, letting his tail flick a few times behind him as he trots over and nuzzles into Mattias' hand.

Go on, then. Distract yourself. I won't say a thing.]

[averagemedium]

[He shoots Oren a quick, grateful look, with a small smile and a smaller nod, rubbing behind his little deer ears before he turns his attention back to Mattias.]

He came along with me, on the way here.

[It isn't a lie. Not the truth, but he tells himself that at least he isn't outright fabricating things.

Ryan's not sure that makes him feel any better, though.]

Pretty cute though, huh? I just couldn't say no.

[A million questions run through his mind-- aren't you cold? Are you all right? Will you come back with me?-- but right now, he can't bring himself to ask them.]